Could your soul make it a mile in my shoes: Listening to God's whispers

The first week of a 7 week mini series, Catching up on my Life.

Today I started my day in hiking boots.

There have been so many changes for my new little family over the last year. Seven months ago my life caved in on me but there is always a silver lining. It felt like the worst thing that could be happening at the worst possible time, but God's timing could not have been more perfect. This happened three months prior to our destination wedding. While my fiance was in Las Vegas for his bachelor party. It was also my finals week.

I had been working at least 50+ hours a week as a salary manager, and also taking two classes a term towards my BA in Child and Family Psychology; oh and planning a wedding cause I think I'm "Super Human" and I don't need to sleep, or eat, or have any sort of social life. That spring term I failed a class, the third actually, of six classes over the previous three terms. There I was school and work stressing me out to no end. The only thing in my life that was not stressing me out was our wedding. I am 34 years old and I have waited for my now husband my whole life. I can honestly say we created by God just for one another.

THE BLACK SLIP RESISTANT PUMPS

I sat down with my fiance on a Sunday evening and tearfully told him I was on the verge of a mental breakdown. I could feel the stress rushing over me like waves. I told him I could not continue to work this job and o to school that I had reached my breaking point and we needed to decide which responsibility had to go. He said "lets pray about it" and we did like we had been doing together nightly for the last three months, many times about this very same topic. But God had been silent

The next day I sat in the office, in black slip resistant pumps, watching my staff work on the cameras. I texted my best friend who was also a manager for the same company but at a different location. I told her I was thinking about taking a step back from management, but that the thought of leaving my staff (AKA my children) was almost more painful than I could bare. I told her I felt like something needed to give and I was either going to have to give up my job or give up school. Her response was "Have you prayed about it, what does God say?". Before I could respond to her "God has been silent" I got a call from my hostess asking if I could come down so she could take a break. I promptly went down stairs with my cell phone in hand to relieve her.

Just as I was about to text my best friend again a gentleman walked in. He appeared to be in his early 50's and of East Indian descent or maybe Hispanic, I don't know, I have never been able to guess ones racial ethnicity. It was dumping down rain outside and this guy was wearing only a t-shirt and jeans. Our conversation that day has forever changed my life and I don't even know his name.

Me: Sir it's awful cold outside today for you to be in just a t-shirt, you're brave.

Him: Yes it sure is

Me: Can I get a table set up for you today, and will it just be you or are you meeting someone?

Him: Well I know I am supposed to meet someone but I don't know who they are or when they will be here.

Me: Okay, well why don't you have a seat on this bench and you can let me know when you figure that out.

I motion to the bench next to the hostess stand and he just stares at it with his arms folded over his chest.

Him: Could I use the restroom first?

Me: Of course (I point to the back), it's just past the bakery, come on back up here when you are done and we will get you all set up.

I seat a couple in the dining room and another solo gentleman walks in. He is unsure if he wants to stay, stating that 'this place is a bit too fancy for him'. He steps outside to make a phone call and maybe change his location plans. At that moment the other mystery man returns from the bathroom.

Him: I don't know if that is who I am supposed to meet. (he gestures to the man that just stepped out)

Me: Well go ahead and have a seat here and you can let me know when you figure out.

He takes a seat on the black leather and mahogany wood bench.

Him: Could I get a cup of coffee?

Me: Of course, I'll be right back.

Upon my return I noticed his hands trembling as he reached for the cup, as our hands connected I shocked him. I didn't even know that was possible in these shoes, static electricity, really? He thanked me and I watched while he gingerly sipped on the steaming cup. The steam curled up and tapped on his nose causing him to squint. I was back behind the hostess stand again and about to text my best friend again, what I had tried to fire off upstairs. "He's been silent" just then the man starts to talk to me again.

Him: You know when your heart is shut down like it is right now God's light cannot shine through you. Where did you get your tattoos and do you know what they mean?

Slightly stunned and actually really caught off guard, I was taken a back and struggled to find my words.

Me: W...w... well I got them both when I lived over seas in Italy, do you know what they mean?

Him: Yes the one on the top of your foot is in Japanese and it means "love yourself".

Me: Close it actually says "love life".

Him: Oh that's right, the bottom symbol the one that looks like a house has the arms down. If they where up then the deity would be receiving love with it's arms up in the air.

Me: Okay, I had no idea, what about the other one?

Him: The one on your left inner ankle. The butterfly is you encircled in the six stars that represent your circle of protection.

Me: Wow, I never thought of it like that. I just like butterflies and six is my favorite number.

Him: I have this tattoo.

He pulls up his left sleeve revealing a cartoon from my childhood, a Loony Toons character, the Tasmanian devil.

Him: My wife has the girl on her shoulder. She is my other half and my exact same in a female, we are separated right now but that is okay. What are your plans for the day?

Me: Well after work I have a presentation to prep for, for my class this evening. And that's it for me today.

Him: I think you should take some time today to sit down and have a chat with me.

Me: I'm really sorry sir but I'm engaged, and I have a busy day with homework so I not open to that today.

Him: Have you seen the movie "Spaceballs"?

Me: "Space Jam"?

Him: No, Spaceballs it's a Mel Brooks movie.

Me: I have no idea who that is. Nope, I have never seen it.

At that moment the hostess walks back and joins in on our conversation. She has seen the movie and they start chatting about scenes. Relieved from my position at the host stand by her return I wave to both of them and go back up to the office to finish up some ordering. I am watching the camera and about five minutes later the hostess calls me.

Her: What's going on with this guy here?

Me: Well he said he was meeting someone but didn't know who or when. So, for now he's just chilling on the bench.

Her: Well, he says he not leaving until he can talk to you again.

Me: Umm.....That kind of makes me feel uncomfortable. I told him I was engaged and busy today. For now lets just let it ride and see how things play out.

Her: Okay, thanks

And she hangs up.

Seconds later a couple walks in the door. The mystery man on the bench gets up and high fives the other guy. I see the hostess lead the couple to a table. The mystery man in toe, he heads to the bathroom, but then returns to the table with the couple. I walk downstairs and ask the hostess to tell me about that last interaction. She informs me that he knew the couple and she had asked the lady if it was okay that he sit with them. To which the lady agreed was okay.

As I am walking through the bakery into the kitchen I see the mystery man up from the table again and looking around. At this point I am feeling a bit spooked by him and decided that if he is going to approach me again that I would prefer to have some form of physical barrier between he and I. I walk to the bar and debrief the bartender so she is not caught off guard.

Sure enough he makes his way back to the host stand and has a seat at the bench. He then spots me behind the bar and heads over.

Him: You know I am a profit, right?

Me: No, I didn't

Him: I usually come in here with my family but like I said my wife and I are split up right now so this is all new for me. I was at a church earlier today and they gave me a coat but it was very smelly so I got rid of it.

Me: Well that's too bad.

He pulls two watches from his pocket and lays them on the bar top.

Him: I have these two watches here, I need to get rid of one. If I get rid of this one I will go one place (he gestures to one watch) but if I get rid of this one I will go even further (pointing to the other one).

Me: Well the MAX is right out in front of our location here and I'm sure if you hop on there it will take you down town and there are...(he cuts me off)

Him: Pawn shops?

Me: Yes, I am sure you could sell them there

Him: I am a Vet, so I get to ride the MAX for free

Me: Well, thank you for your service sir. I'm new around here so I don't know if there are any pawn shops close to where we are. But like I said you can just hop on the MAX and I am sure you will have some luck down town.

Him: Yeah I already went to a pawn shop in Beaverton this morning and they told me to come back later, that it was not my time.

Me: Well...

Him: You know it has been nice talking to you.

Me: Aww thank you, and our staff is awesome and nice to talk to as well. But I've really got to get back to work, so if you are not going to have a seat and dine with us today I'm going to have to ask you to move on.

He places his hands palms in over his chest, tips of his thumb and four fingers touching making the shape of a heart over his heart. He then turns his hands upside down showing me his palms now fingers spread wide with the heart upside down now. Simultaneously with this hand motion he says.

Him: Okay then, you can just pretend like I was never here.

He walks out the front door back into the rain. I retreat to the office once again a little shaken up by this whole interaction. I say out loud "God what are you doing?". Ever since I was 17 years old I have made up care packages for the less fortunate that I keep in my car in bags in the back seat. They are easy for me to grab them out at a stop light and give them to those that I see begging on the side of the road.

It clicks in my brain at that moment there is something God is doing. I grab a jacket from our lost and found box and head to my car to get a care bag.

I walk out to the MAX platform, the mystery man sees me coming he meets me half way down the platform. It is now pouring rain so hard I can feel it crashing through my crazy curly hair and bursting onto my scalp. I reach out the bag and jacket to the man and say "I keep things like this in my car and I thought you could use a little help today". He looks me straight in the eyes and I can feel my insides starting to crumble.

Him: See I knew it wouldn't take much to open your heart back up, all the answers that you are searching for are closer than they appear.

I drop to my knees in my salmon colored pencil skirt and black slip resistant pumps and start to sob uncontrollably. My mind is racing, God I don't get it, I hear you, but that is not an answer, what in the world am I supposed to do with this, this encrypted message that you have just laid at me feet, I don't understand?!? By the time I gather my composure and return to me feet I look up and the mystery man is just gone. I do a 360 and he is just no where in sight.

I head back up stairs with tears still rolling down my cheeks. I pull myself together and finish my shift. I go home and practice my presentation and then go to class. On the way home I call my fiance and tell him about the encounter that I had with the mystery man, and his ramblings about the movie I have not seen. He tells me I should watch it and that it is a really funny movie, I'm thinking we will see about that, my definition or funny and his differ a bit when it comes to TV and Movies.

When I get home we eat dinner and settle in on the couch to watch some TV. One of my fiances friends comes over to hang out with us. He's in town because his grandmother had a stroke and they were all pretty much saying their goodbyes. As he is sitting on our love seat he starts telling us about his grandmother and his day and that they had watched "Spaceballs" cause that was their special tradition.

My mouth falls open and my fiance looks over at me and then at his friend and says. "Man does she have a story for you". I recount the story again for a third time today. And the friend says "well sounds like God is done being silent, what are you going to do?".

I still have no clue and I'm so torn. I love our staff like they are my children and could not bear the thought of just abandoning them. I want so bad to finish school and be able to work with teenagers. I can't do both any loner something has got to give.

This all happened on a Monday. Wednesday afternoon my husband suggests that we actually watch Spaceballs, at this point I have not slept for more than 3 hours a night because I just can't get my brain to shut off. Half way into the movie my "TV induced narcolepsy" set in. When I woke up I had slept until well into the evening, and for the first time in weeks I felt pretty relaxed.

Thursday I take my fiance to the airport to head to Vegas for his bachelor party. I asked our HR department manager to meet with me that afternoon, I explained that I wanted to take a step back from management and pursue my schooling full time. I still wanted to work for them and would do what I could to help train my replacement, but I needed to go down to working part time and not being a manager.

Thursday night I walked through the grocery store telling my best friend the story of Monday and it hits my like a bolt of lightning, once again I'm in tears.

The symbolism, the two watches; one represented my job, and the other represented school. I am overcome and covered in goose bumps. Crying, in the middle of the cough medicine isle, I'm thinking, gosh this type of break down would go over much better in the feminine hygiene isle.

It all clicks and I get it now. I was still fearful that I had made the wrong decision, though. What if God really wanted me to be a manager there, what if I am supposed to touch more lives at work, what if I wont go as far with my degree, what if I can't get a job after I graduate?

Friday afternoon I walk into work for our managers meeting in bright highlighter yellow tennis shoes. I am met by our Director of operations, two owners, my boss and our HR gal. We are meeting to discuss my transition back to a bartender and out of management. Or so I thought...NOPE! They fired me, no cause, no warning, no grounds...just done.

I went home and took a great and peaceful nap on the couch. When I woke I felt relieved like a huge weight had been lifted from my soul. Then there was a moment of panic, weddings are expensive, I didn't want to tell my fiance while he was away for his bachelor party. I didn't want to ruin his fun time, stress him out financially. Ughh the timing.

I have wore through the soles of the black slip resistant pumps. They have been retired to the garbage bin. And God would soon show me that his timing was perfect.

Thanks to the mystery man and the sequence of events that followed, I am grateful that today on a day when I would otherwise be working, instead I get to go hiking in the dumping Oregon rain in my hiking boots.

Come back next week for more tales about taking a walk in my shoes. Check out the recipe of the week section coming soon as well.